


Caveat Lector: Multum Concubitus

by angstbot



Series: SwanQueen Drabbles [10]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, F/F, Rimming, Sex Toys, Spanking, magic!cock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:17:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstbot/pseuds/angstbot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Readers' Choice 2.0. 5 x 500-word stories, requested by my Tumblr followers, in honor of reaching 500 followers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ifs, Ands, and-

**Author's Note:**

> Title is Latin for Reader Beware: Much Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Regina and Emma at a cabin. There’s spanking, ass play and eating ass, and rough w/ your majesty.

“Assume the position, Miss Swan,” the queen commanded once the door to the secluded cabin closed behind them.

“Where?” Emma asked immediately.

“Over the back of the couch. Ass bare.” The blonde did have a very nice rear end, Regina mused once she was in place, and she was so nicely obedient, spread just enough to show that she was as meticulously groomed as she’d been told to be and wet already. “My good, good girl,” Regina hummed, coming to stand beside one hip.

She warmed up with a few smacks to one cheek and then the other, letting it sting a little. Then she began spanking in earnest, hitting the sweet spot that rattled sensation up through the savior’s nerve endings. Soon the blonde was moaning uncontrollably, but obediently holding still. That deserved a reward. With one last smack, she undressed them both fully with two quick acts of magical will, then told Emma to get on her back on the couch.

As she straddled the blonde’s head, she smiled at how her eyes locked to her cunt and her chest immediately began to heave with want. Once she sat on Emma’s face, Regina groaned low in her throat. She truly loved the way this woman ate pussy, pure intensity like this was the only thing in the world. Soon, her hips were rolling steadily, her cunt sliding over the blonde’s face from nose to chin.

But there was one thing they both liked even better, and she growled, “Rim me,” shifting up even higher. Emma’s tonguing immediately got tentative, and in response Regina pushed against her insistently. “For fuck’s sake, Miss Swan, eat my ass like you mean it,” Regina demanded. “If you don’t get serious, that-” she flicked her wrist, “raging erection you have will never get anywhere near my tight, hungry asshole tonight.”

Emma moaned into her and resumed licking like her life depended on it. Soon Regina could feel herself responding, her body relaxing and opening and the blonde’s tongue slipping inside, and god she needed more.

Climbing off the savior’s face, she summoned some lubricant and held it out. Emma obediently slicked her fingers. Regina straddled her again, this time just above her hips, and her breath hitched as Emma reached between them to stroke firm circles between her ass cheeks. Her tighter entrance was still somewhat relaxed from the tonguing, and Emma was able to slip her first finger in almost immediately, then the second quite soon, pumping in and out, and when Regina wanted even more she hummed, “That’s enough, dear. Let me sit on your cock.”

Taking the lube, she slicked Emma’s temporary appendage and then shifted to gradually work herself onto it, strong thighs flexing in increasingly bigger motions until finally she took it deep. Regina loved being this stretched and full, loved Emma’s face contorting in pleasure at being inside her. Neither of them ever came harder than with Emma’s cock up Regina’s ass, and tonight was no exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a hard time figuring out the directionality of the original prompt, so I asked the person who voted for it. Also, this is a lot of sex acts to get into 500 words. Is the title terrible? Yes. But it was a very hindquarter-y prompt.


	2. Regina’s New Groove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: An Emperor's New Groove type prompt where Regina is turned into an animal and Emma has to help her turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super fluffy and not at all smutty. Oops?

“Rumple and I had a disagreement and a minor magical altercation.”

“And now you're a cat,” Emma said incredulously. “What’d you do to _him_?”

“Have you ever seen a Ken doll?”

Emma snorted. “So he doesn't have a dick and-”

“If the next thing out of your mouth involves the word ‘pussy,’ Miss Swan, so help me-”

Emma cleared her throat and corrected, “And now you’re a sarcastic, talking black cat like Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.”

“Good girl. Will you help me or not?”

“Of course.”

**

When Regina clawed the hell out of Hook, Emma began to suspect she was enjoying her feline form.

“Don't hurt Regina,” she insisted as the pirate swiped at her with his hook, which the queen of course nimbly avoided, streaking from the room.

“You named your cat Regina?”

“Black hair, regal, prickly but actually eager for and deserving of love? Sounds exactly like Regina.”

**

“I heard what you said about me,” Regina confessed as she crawled out from under the bed some time later.

“Can we talk about why you felt the need to aerate his hand?” the blonde deflected.

“Some instincts come with this body,” the queen insisted with what Emma was sure was the feline equivalent of a shrug, then rubbed her whole body against the blonde’s ankle as she went on, “That was kind of you to say.” At Emma’s startled look, she insisted, “Cat instincts.”

And insisted again when she was curled up on Emma's chest, purring, when they awoke the next morning.

**

Emma told Henry his other mother had to take an important, heroic trip and didn’t know when she’d be back. She helped Regina send intermittent reassuring check-in text messages, which turned out to be for the best. Turning Regina back became several weeks of frustrating trial and error, the queen unable to manifest magic as a cat and Emma unable to understand the conceptual aspects to harness her power.

In the meantime they got very used to each other. Emma apologized the first time she started to pet the queen on instinct, but Regina confessed she kind of liked it. They gradually became inseparable, Regina forever cuddled into Emma’s lap, sleeping on her, demanding attention when she was in the mood, her human imperious tendencies complementing her feline instincts perfectly. Emma found she missed her terribly when they were apart.

Finally, Emma managed the spell, and the older woman was human once more.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Emma grinned.

They had wrapped each other in a relieved embrace before either of them processed that Regina was stark naked. Emma coughed.

“Well, I suppose you did change clothing in front of cat-me a number of times,” the queen shrugged. “Your robe, dear?”

If either of them found it odd that Regina continued to stretch obscenely and to stroke her cheek against Emma to show affection and crawl into her bed to sleep long after her return to human form, they certainly didn't say so.


	3. Between the Six and the Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sixty-nine.

Emma loves absolutely everything about going down on Regina. The sensory experience of it: heat, slickness, velvet-hard clit. The queen’s pussy is exquisite. Fucking loves the way she tastes, because it’s _her_ and she wants to drink all of her in. These are _molecules of Regina_ inside her mouth. Incredibly, beautifully responsive, this woman. Whimpers and sighs and the orgasms upon orgasms upon orgasms she can coax the older woman into when they get going. Making this woman she loves so completely feel so completely amazing is everything. So beautiful to tongue her until she’s out of her eternally-calculating mind.

Performing cunnilingus allows Regina an unblemished experience of being _good_. For those minutes or sometimes hours, she is utterly, completely good enough for someone she loves. She is appreciated, even in the obscene way Emma tends to urge her on (which should horrify her and she’ll never admit that she actually finds it endearing). To cause her beloved’s orgasms means she can say “I did that good thing in the world.” She loves that Emma—wounded, closed-off, do-er and not done Emma—trusts her enough to get on her back and open her legs and let her use her mouth.

Regina’s mouth on her pussy is eager but meticulous. She hasn’t asked, but there’s a fair chance the mayor researched cunnilingus thoroughly despite the nearly-nonexistent time between when they first kissed and when they fell into bed. It makes her throb that this is a _queen_ licking and lapping and sucking at her pussy like she is the most delicious thing in the world. Overwhelmingly good sensations rocket through her body, but clutch hardest at her heart. The lost girl who didn’t matter and didn’t think she ever would chose, was chosen, and matters immensely to this adoring, attentive person.

The queen revels in Emma reveling in her cunt. The blonde’s hungry noises should be crass and off-putting, but instead they sound like love. Emma never, ever stops eating her with focus, intensity, precision, _need_ until Regina whimpers that she’s had enough and can’t possibly have another orgasm. In ecstasy, the steady whisper of insufficiency that has been her constant companion her entire life is drowned out by the thud of her pulse and the harshness of her breath. Emma, in making her whole body sing with incredible pleasure, can make it all _stop_ the way Regina has always craved.

The only way to make the impossibly good better is when they’re in each other’s mouths at the same time, curled into each other, arms wrapped around thighs. Every now and again Emma is on top. More often, Regina. But they like it best on their sides. They form a complete circuit of pleasure, both as eager to give as to receive. The savior and the evil queen grown from the thief and the starry-eyed girl, not black or white but complexities of shades that have no names but speak of their utterly balanced rightness as they find ecstasy together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t quite go high-concept, but it is a stylistic experiment or at least a departure. It kinda feels like Bruises, TBH.


	4. Emma to the Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina enchants some of her sex toys. Things go wrong, and she calls the sheriff to come help her. Emma is shocked by what she finds. ~prompt taken from femslash-lovers-unite

“Before you walk through that door, Miss Swan, I need to know that whatever happens in here stays between us.” The mayor’s voice sounded just as distressed muffled by her bedroom door as she had when she’d called Emma to ask for help.

“I know you wouldn’t have called if you weren’t in a dire situation. I’m not going to betray that trust.”

“Alright.”

Whatever Emma had been expecting, it was _not_ to see the queen on her back, naked and clearly aroused. The motion of the toy thrusting in and out of her caught the blonde’s attention first, but she soon noticed that Regina’s nipples and clit were also being stimulated by what looked like small suction devices that were rhythmically sucking and releasing with no visible means of animation. Enchanted sex toys? Enchanted, _kinky_ sex toys?

“Stop staring and help me!” There was an edge of desperation in Regina’s tone.

“What happened?”

“That should be obvious. But I can’t collect,” and she shuddered prodigiously as all three of the small suction tubes pulled at once, “enough magic to stop them. Please,” she moaned, “I can’t take it.”

Stopping magic was easy enough that even with Emma’s inexperience she could manage, though she did need to be in physical contact, gently pulling the pumping tubes off one by one after willing them to let go and then sliding the dildo out, trying not to contemplate the slickness on her fingertips.  

But even with the toys removed, Regina’s body continued to vibrate. “I need to have an orgasm, but-”

“But you’re so overstimulated that it hurts to contemplate touching yourself,” Emma finished. At Regina’s look, she explained, “Been there. The only solution is a very soft, very gentle, very careful tongue.”

“Yes,” the queen moaned helplessly.

Emma shucked out of her jacket but didn’t undress, then climbed up onto the bed. Regina’s nipples looked so beautiful, so hard and a little reddened even against the caramel skin of her perfect breasts, and Emma needed them in her mouth. She was careful, licking softly, then a swirl of her tongue, then very gentle, very wet sucking. God she wanted Regina’s nipples in her mouth forever, but knew this wasn’t the time for a slow buildup, so after only a brief moment she crawled downward.

Regina’s pussy was completely soaked from all the stimulation, open, and clearly literally aching to be touched. Emma was even more careful here, tiny, soft licks up the length of her becoming slow, easy stroking because the queen’s clit was incredibly swollen, even though she knew it was going to feel incredible in her mouth.

And when Regina’s hips began to move she did take it between her lips ever-so-gently, sucking lightly with little flicks of her tongue and god, the moan it pulled out of her made the sheriff moan back. Emma kept every fiber of her being attuned to Regina’s responses, calibrating just enough to ease her over the edge into a perfect shuddering orgasm.


	5. Keep Calm and Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Somehow, Emma finds herself hiding underneath Regina’s desk while Regina is behind it having a meeting with another person. While under the desk, Emma pleasures Regina and Regina has to keep quiet.

“Baby if you didn’t make an O-face I wouldn’t be doing it right.”

Regina grimaced. “Don’t call it that. Regardless, it’s ridiculous. _Of course_ I could have an orgasm without showing an outward reaction.”

Emma loved her partner. She did. But sometimes, as now, this superior attitude still rubbed her the wrong way. “Wanna bet?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“If you’re so sure you could, put your money where your mouth is,” the sheriff taunted. “Let’s see if you can come without someone knowing.”

“That’s absurd. And you need to go. I have a meeting with Hook about maritime affairs in-” Regina glanced at the clock, “five minutes. You know he’s still sensitive about you being with me instead of him.”

“That sounds like a perfect opportunity. I’ll just be under your desk eating you out while you conduct the meeting normally. Unless you’re scared.”

“My desk is glass!” the mayor hissed.

“You have magic! Make shit invisible!”

Their eyes locked for a long moment in challenge until Regina’s assistant announced over the intercom that Hook had arrived. The mayor nodded.

**

As Regina settled in behind the desk, she told herself this wouldn’t be hard. Granted, her partner did amazing things with her mouth, but she was a _queen_. She had bent people and things to her will her entire adult life, herself most of all. The first few brushes of the blonde’s tongue against her did feel wonderful, but she calmly kept discussing plans for reviving the town’s fishing fleet under the pirate’s direction.

Soon Emma was swirling her tongue in that way that always drove her wild, and she felt herself getting incredibly-

“Slicker,” Hook said.

“I beg your pardon?”

“We need you to buy some rain slickers for the boat crew.”  

“Ah yes,” she struggled to say, “It must get very _wet_ out there.”

This was so inappropriate, and to be honest, that made it even better, the dirty semi-publicness of it, that Hook might figure out at any moment that she was in fact bare from the waist down with the sheriff licking her pussy like she was starving. Soon the queen began to lose herself in the waves of pleasure crashing through her even as she kept nodding politely, not really even listening to the man anymore as he droned on about clams and pearls as Emma sucked intently at her clit.

But she definitely noticed when he said something about plundering booty, because she felt the blonde’s fingertip brush her asshole. She gasped and felt her partner chuckle silently into her cunt.

“Are you alright, Madam Mayor? You look a bit flushed.”

“I am feeling a little off at the moment, Mr. Jones. Kindly reschedule today’s meeting with my assistant on your way out.”

As soon as the door closed behind him, she had her fingers tangled in blonde hair and began canting her hips against Emma’s mouth. When the sheriff tried to gloat, she growled, “Shut up and fuck me.” And Emma did.


End file.
